I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
being pregnant is like rehab
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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