im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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