No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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