Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
