Define "chronic" masturbator.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
