This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
