I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
