Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
the liver wants what the liver wants
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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