Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
