my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
