Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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