Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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