About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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