reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I am available for nakedness
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
