It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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