just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
