Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize