even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
