Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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