Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
