Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
