so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
