Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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