I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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