He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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