My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize