I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
