It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
