I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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