If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
