just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
oh god was she eating orange peels again
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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