The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
