If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
