Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
