Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
