i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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