Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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