I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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