Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
