I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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