I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
