that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
