I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
