Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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