If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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