i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
