Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
