Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
