dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
