she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
