a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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