I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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