sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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