It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
