Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
