I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
