you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
