Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I will pee on everything he values.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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