I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
