How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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