and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
