fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
