Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
