I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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