Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
