Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
