when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
