I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
