Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
