I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
