They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
