The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize