guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
