It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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