you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
