Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
