and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize