We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
