i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize