i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
zippers are such a cool invention
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
