matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
