It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have already put on my inside pants.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize