whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
