nut hugger
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize