there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
