haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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