i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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