That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize