omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
