I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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