the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
