And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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